'The Old Guard'
with Charlize Theron, Chiwetel Ejiofor and a bunch of actors I'd never heard before
A group of immortal guns-for-hire becomes the target of big pharma trying to harvest the secret of their longevity.
This flick is to be filed under 'an intriguing concept wasted'. The cast is good, but that's about it.
The cast excluding Theron, by the way. I cannot even begin to comprehend how the same actress that pulled off the most convincing female bad-ass in cinema since Ellen Ripley (i.e. as Furiosa in Mad Max) could give such a plank-of-wood performance. She does her action scenes well, but other than that…
The plot is more holes than substance. The dialogues are bland and though they pretend to be deep they fail to truly explore the weight of the burden of immortality.
And dear me, the woke is strong in this one. There's a scene where one of the gay protagonists, when mockingly asked: "What, is he your boyfriend?" literally delivers a monologue chiding him for not understanding true love.
I swear to God, Hollywood doesn't know nuance anymore. They could've organically included a gay couple by just contenting themselves with a scene a while before where all the heroes lie scattered about a train car sleeping, and the two dudes are nestled against each other.
Another example: The movie has a segment showing a female engagement team in Afghanistan. My first thought: Cool, that's never been portrayed before in a movie. And then they ruined it through the most blatant oppression olympics-style casting in years: a black woman, an Asian woman, a lesbian and a transgender-looking something. Hoorah, Marines!
The setpieces are okay-ish. The soundtrack is terrible and screams artsy director at full volume. But most egregiously of all, the movie is just dull. The director has no sense for pacing.
Jesus Christ. I didn't even make it past the thirty minute mark.
★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 2/10
