- Joined
- May 31, 2004
- Messages
- 344
- Points
- 53
HELP WANTED
Information minister wanted immediately for insurgent activities under the direction of al Zarqawi in and around Iraq.
Duties will include, but will not be limited to, dissemination of information favorable to the insurgents. Examples would include video and pictures of bombings of Iraqis and coalition forces, highlighting coalition casualties and keeping the idea of coalition losses always in front of the public to the exclusion of any information that would be encouraging to supporters of coalition forces.
Under no circumstances would the successful candidate release information that would put the insurgents in a critical light. Examples would include not broadcasting information that 14 of Iraq’s provinces are peaceful, and, unfortunately not supportive of our insurgent tactics. Also it would not be advantageous to broadcast when improvements such as new schools and hospitals are opened in spite of our efforts. Currently these events do not draw much attention worldwide except for, to our great shame, al Jazeera and other Arab news organizations. Under no circumstances would the successful candidate let the public know that Iraqi deaths, in spite of all we can do, are still lower then under the previous regime.
The successful candidate must understand that the place of work must remain a secret and may be moved on short notice and on an emergency basis contingent on Iraqi and coalition military activities.
Additional compensation would be gratefully offered to the successful candidate that could get the coalition forces to announce a time table for withdrawal or create a loss of political will in the U. S. Congress such as existed during the Viet Nam War.
WAIT! This just in!
We must offer our humble apologies to all qualified candidates considering this position, it has been discovered that the job is being competently performed by ABC, CBS and NBC.
Information minister wanted immediately for insurgent activities under the direction of al Zarqawi in and around Iraq.
Duties will include, but will not be limited to, dissemination of information favorable to the insurgents. Examples would include video and pictures of bombings of Iraqis and coalition forces, highlighting coalition casualties and keeping the idea of coalition losses always in front of the public to the exclusion of any information that would be encouraging to supporters of coalition forces.
Under no circumstances would the successful candidate release information that would put the insurgents in a critical light. Examples would include not broadcasting information that 14 of Iraq’s provinces are peaceful, and, unfortunately not supportive of our insurgent tactics. Also it would not be advantageous to broadcast when improvements such as new schools and hospitals are opened in spite of our efforts. Currently these events do not draw much attention worldwide except for, to our great shame, al Jazeera and other Arab news organizations. Under no circumstances would the successful candidate let the public know that Iraqi deaths, in spite of all we can do, are still lower then under the previous regime.
The successful candidate must understand that the place of work must remain a secret and may be moved on short notice and on an emergency basis contingent on Iraqi and coalition military activities.
Additional compensation would be gratefully offered to the successful candidate that could get the coalition forces to announce a time table for withdrawal or create a loss of political will in the U. S. Congress such as existed during the Viet Nam War.
WAIT! This just in!
We must offer our humble apologies to all qualified candidates considering this position, it has been discovered that the job is being competently performed by ABC, CBS and NBC.
