Funny Genie, Genie.

[Derrick Stephenson]

A lady out walking to get away from her nagging husband, finds a funny shaped bottle which she picks up and dusts off.
There is a flash of light and she is confronted by a Genie, who says, ' You have released me from my prison after 3000 years. I grant you 3 wishes, but I must tell you, anything you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more.
The wife thinks about it and says, 'I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world'. The Genie says, 'Wish 1 is granted, but remember, this means your husband is 10 times more handsome than you are beautiful, he will have every woman on Earth chasing him'.
The wife says, 'I can handle that, my second wish is to be the richest woman in the world', and the Genie grants the wish, reminding her that her husband will now be 10 times richer than she is.
'I can handle that', she says.
The Genie says, 'One more wish, think long and carefully over this', but the woman says, ' I don't need too, I'd like a mild heart attack please'.
Derrick.

 

[Eagledriver]

lolb; lolb; lolb;

 

[Bombardier]

Derrick delivers the knockout joke box; and the crowd screamed with laughter lolb; jk;

 

[Eagledriver]

Genie, Genie 2

One day, a man was strolling on the beach when he found a golden lamp
lying in the sand. Picking it up, he noticed it looked a bit tarnished so he rubbed it, hoping to get it to shine. A genie pops out of the lamp and says, "Because you have freed me from the curse of the lamp, I will grant you your fondest wish. Anything you want will be yours."
The man says to the Genie, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii and lay on the beaches, but I'm afraid of flying and I get seasick on boats. Build me a bridge from here to Hawaii so I can drive there.
"No way," says the Genie. "Do you know the logistics to build that bridge, all the cement needed for pilings and roadway that would take, a filling station every so often to fill up your car, cafes so you can eat, and rest stops for the bathrooms it would take." "No, ask for something else and I'll give it to you. Anything but that."
Well, the man thought and thought and finally he said to the Genie, " okay, What I want is to know what goes on in women's minds."
The Genie says, "Would that be two lanes or four."

 

[Bombardier]

I like it lolb;

 

[Drone_pilot]

Excellent lolb; lolb; lolb;

 

[drywall]

Tough cowboy

>
> >
> >Three cowboys were sitting around a campfire out on the lonesome prairie,
> each with the bravado for which they are famous.
> >
> >A night of tall tales begins. The guy from Montana says, "I
> >must be the strongest, meanest, toughest, cowboy there is. Why, just the
> other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I
> wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated
> that sucker with my teeth."
> >
> >The guy from Oklahoma can't stand to be bested. "That's
> >nothing, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot
rattler
> slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard
> with my bare hands, and bit it's head off, and sucked the poison down in
> one gulp, and I'm still here today.
> >
> >The Wyoming cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his
> penis.
> >

 

[Eagledriver]

D***, Drywall. Where did you get that one?


:shock: :shock: :shock: :mrgreen:

 

[drywall]

A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they
walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer
walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There
would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the
road.

As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch
hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you
going, Father?"

The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.

"I'll give you a lift."

The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck
driver continued down the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw
a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to
hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in
the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew
he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud." Unsure of
where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he
didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm
sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer."

The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."

 

[Viking69]

nice one I think I've cracked a rib jk; lolb; laugh; vik, viki;

 

[Eagledriver]

Think, heck. I know I did. lolb; lolb; lolb; laugh; laugh; laugh;