Funny The Purina Diet

[airborne]

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina
dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the
checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I
was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with
my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the
dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an
Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in
the world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to
all your retired friends......it will be their Laugh for the day..

 

[GunBunnyInaMAB]

Awesome, Airborne, simply awesome!!! I love screwing with people when they ask those unbelievably stupid questions. I was food shopping in a Safeway with a woman I was living in sin with who was 16 years my senior (I was 26 at the time). I had made some crack about something or other, using a few choice curse words not fit for family consumption. The girl at the register, all of 17 years old, says:

"You shouldn't talk like that in front of your mother."

To which I laid a most passionate, tongue probing liplock upon my "mother", along with a very obvious squeeze of her breast. The cashier looked as though she was going to faint, so I reassured her by saying:

"It's all right, we're a very close family."laugh;laugh;laugh;laugh;