- Joined
- Mar 20, 2004
- Messages
- 61
- Points
- 18
CANADIAN JOKE #1
After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says,
"Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender
dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from
Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King
Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors
says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water,
give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Molson sits down and says,
"Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him
what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask,
"Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?" The Molson president replies,
"Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
CANADIAN JOKE #2
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of
beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob. "Oh!" exclaims Doug,
"Good trade."
CANADIAN JOKE #3
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and
asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a
Newfie?" "Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do
is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie." He was very
pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the
neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the
patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's
brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the
patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as
the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly
sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of
your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain." The patient
replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
CANADIAN JOKE #4
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The
Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the
pins and throwing them back.
CANADIAN JOKE #5
In Canada, we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of
poor snowmobiling.
CANADIAN JOKE #6
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub
together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they
were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their
pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The
American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking
it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink
and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT
YOU BASTARD!!!"
CANADIAN JOKE #7
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some
pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette
pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.
CANADIAN JOKE #8
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They
were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died
before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the
American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I
remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the
Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven.
St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and
said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course
I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I
was back here." "That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what
happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the American,
"the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for
the government to pay his."
==============================
..and a "Frenchy" for good measure...
The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any @#$%^&*% Frenchmen to show it to."
After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says,
"Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender
dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from
Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King
Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors
says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water,
give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Molson sits down and says,
"Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him
what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask,
"Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?" The Molson president replies,
"Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
CANADIAN JOKE #2
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of
beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob. "Oh!" exclaims Doug,
"Good trade."
CANADIAN JOKE #3
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and
asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a
Newfie?" "Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do
is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie." He was very
pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the
neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the
patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's
brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the
patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as
the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly
sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of
your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain." The patient
replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
CANADIAN JOKE #4
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The
Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the
pins and throwing them back.
CANADIAN JOKE #5
In Canada, we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of
poor snowmobiling.
CANADIAN JOKE #6
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub
together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they
were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their
pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The
American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking
it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink
and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT
YOU BASTARD!!!"
CANADIAN JOKE #7
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some
pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette
pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.
CANADIAN JOKE #8
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They
were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died
before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the
American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I
remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the
Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven.
St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and
said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course
I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I
was back here." "That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what
happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the American,
"the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for
the government to pay his."
==============================
..and a "Frenchy" for good measure...
The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any @#$%^&*% Frenchmen to show it to."
