Funny Robbie Burns it ain't !

[airborne]

Tae a Fert

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
just as ye sit doon among yer kin
there sterts to stir an enormous wind

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
stert workin like a gentle breeze
but soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
will have ye blawin all ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
a'bodys gonnae have tae pay
even if ye try to stifle
it's like a bullet oot a rifle

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
tae try and stop the leakin air
shift yerself frae cheek tae cheek
prae tae God it doesnae reek

But aw yer efforts go asunder
out it comes like a clap of thunder
ricochets aroon the room
michty me, a sonic boom

God Almighty it fairly reeks
hope I huvnae sh*t ma breeks
tae the bog I'd better scurry
aw whit the hell, its no ma worry

A'body roon aboot me chokin
wan or two are nearly bokin
I'll feel better for a while
cannae help but raise a smile

Wis him! I shout with accusin glower
alas too late, he's just keeled ower
ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
I dinnae feel welcome any mair

Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free
sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Robbie's perty
Ower the sake o won wee ferty