- Joined
- Mar 31, 2004
- Messages
- 121
- Points
- 28
I’ve had it, I have had it! I've taken all I can
stand and I can't stand any more. Every time my TV
is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men
prancing about, redecorating houses and talking
about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng
shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual,
transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green,
and purple-sexual-bogus definitions have taken
over the urban and suburban world! Real men of the
world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and
yell "ENOUGH! "
I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in
the Culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement.
The Code:
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women
insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for
the ones that fit that term only because they are
female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire,
break-in at your home, or a natural disaster, you
DEAL WITH IT .
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often
kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90.
It's not how long you live, but how well. If
you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and
drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin
products than a woman. Women have several
supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an
endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving
goods).
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot
Topic when he's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill
stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the
"Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer” in
the title. Example..."Queer Eye for the Straight
Guy" (The censor probably took care of this one.)
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up
rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts
of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but
major reinvention of yourself will only lead to
you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the
long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help
for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol
addiction, death of your entire family in a freak
treechipper accident, favorite sports team being
moved to a different city, favorite bird dog
expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink
because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention.
Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed
up, he DEALT with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his
wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when
wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound
he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of
tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a
straight hole, practice in secret until you can -
or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a
sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are
TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT.
Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.
Crying. There are very few reasons that a
Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do
with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas.
Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but
the preferred method of release is cussing or
throwing the remote control. Some reasons a
Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited
to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do
NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major
body part.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a
commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any
woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and
offers his seat to that woman, then looks around
at the other so-called men still in their seats
with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge
properly, and with the correct emphasis and
pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star
Spangled Banner.
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his
wife and mother do not understand, but that are
essential to his manliness, in that they offset
the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when
married/engaged or in a serious healthy
relationship i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting,
shooting, cigars, car maintenance.
A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a
blizzard) without sliding all over or driving
under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without
high-centering his ride in a snow bank.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it
land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he
darn well wanted it to land.
A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to
not only any women but any elderly person or
person in military dress (except 2nd LT's) NOTE:
The person in military dress may turn down the
offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the
offer to them and thank them for serving their
country. (Amendment - If you work on a military
base, the giving up your seat part of this rule
does not apply.)
A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract - a
handshake is good enough. He will always stand by
his word even if circumstances change or the other
person deceives him.
A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue
someone when he does something stupid and hurts
himself. We understand that sometimes in the
process of doing things, we get hurt, and we just
DEAL WITH IT!
stand and I can't stand any more. Every time my TV
is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men
prancing about, redecorating houses and talking
about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng
shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual,
transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green,
and purple-sexual-bogus definitions have taken
over the urban and suburban world! Real men of the
world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and
yell "ENOUGH! "
I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in
the Culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement.
The Code:
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women
insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for
the ones that fit that term only because they are
female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire,
break-in at your home, or a natural disaster, you
DEAL WITH IT .
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often
kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90.
It's not how long you live, but how well. If
you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and
drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin
products than a woman. Women have several
supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an
endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving
goods).
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot
Topic when he's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill
stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the
"Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer” in
the title. Example..."Queer Eye for the Straight
Guy" (The censor probably took care of this one.)
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up
rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts
of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but
major reinvention of yourself will only lead to
you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the
long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help
for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol
addiction, death of your entire family in a freak
treechipper accident, favorite sports team being
moved to a different city, favorite bird dog
expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink
because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention.
Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed
up, he DEALT with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his
wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when
wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound
he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of
tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a
straight hole, practice in secret until you can -
or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a
sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are
TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT.
Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.
Crying. There are very few reasons that a
Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do
with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas.
Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but
the preferred method of release is cussing or
throwing the remote control. Some reasons a
Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited
to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do
NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major
body part.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a
commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any
woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and
offers his seat to that woman, then looks around
at the other so-called men still in their seats
with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge
properly, and with the correct emphasis and
pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star
Spangled Banner.
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his
wife and mother do not understand, but that are
essential to his manliness, in that they offset
the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when
married/engaged or in a serious healthy
relationship i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting,
shooting, cigars, car maintenance.
A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a
blizzard) without sliding all over or driving
under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without
high-centering his ride in a snow bank.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it
land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he
darn well wanted it to land.
A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to
not only any women but any elderly person or
person in military dress (except 2nd LT's) NOTE:
The person in military dress may turn down the
offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the
offer to them and thank them for serving their
country. (Amendment - If you work on a military
base, the giving up your seat part of this rule
does not apply.)
A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract - a
handshake is good enough. He will always stand by
his word even if circumstances change or the other
person deceives him.
A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue
someone when he does something stupid and hurts
himself. We understand that sometimes in the
process of doing things, we get hurt, and we just
DEAL WITH IT!
:lol: 
