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Hi one and all. I’m writing a book of anecdotes of my time in the Army. The List of Military Ranks was not written by me and I can’t find out who wrote it and that is why I placed ANON at the bottom of it. If you like what you read I may place a few more snippets.
“You two! Fall in three ranks”
Or
“Who! Me Sir, No Sir, Not I Sir!”
Anecdotes for posterity of
It should never happen to a soldier.
From the official ‘John Alfred Silkstone’ collection
On condition that:
1. It is understood that the 30 year limit on the Official Secrets Act, though now expired won’t prevent me having a fair trial in the Tower of London, and that I will be granted legal aid.
2. Ranby Psychiatric Hospital for the criminally insane will attribute the cause of my mental condition to time served in the Military Forces.
3. The Tabloids won’t be leaking advanced copies sold to them by a clerk at Depot Headquarters.
4. A well known author will write a best seller out of my experiences and we will share the profits of book and film rights.
5. That my mates are only jesting when they say, “You’ll hear from my solicitors first thing in the morning.”
In telling, many details are left out or taken for granted. The tales themselves are honed on the storytellers’ stone to suit the audience.
Items or events are deleted or added to enhance the tale in its best light. In reality, after many recitations by others and myself. The truth is often a million miles away from the actual facts.
LIST OF MILITARY RANKS
GENERAL Leaps over skyscrapers in a single bound. More powerful than an express train. Faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives counsel to God.
COLONEL Leaps lesser buildings in a single bound. More powerful than a shunting engine. As fast as a speeding bullet. Sometimes walk on water. Talks to God.
LIEUTENANT COLONEL Leaps lesser buildings given a good run up and a favourable wind. Has the same pushing power as a shunting engine. Can fire a gun, but not necessarily hit the target. Totters on water. Talks to God, occasionally.
MAJOR Barely clears the height of a bivvy tent. Is often run over by a shunting engine. Can handle a gun and hit the target, but only at the edges. Swims well. Sometimes pleases God.
QUARTERMASTER Provides the bricks for buildings. Places demands for various trains. Supplies both guns and bullets. Can do the dog paddle. Will supply God with crystal balls if necessary.
CAPTAIN Collapses on bivvy tent when attempting to jump it. Recognises trains. Is never issued with live ammunition. Can float in a life jacket. Talks to brick walls.
LIEUTENANT Runs into brick walls. Can use a train set. Owns his own cap gun. Sinks without swimming. Mutters to himself
2nd LIEUTENANT Falls over doorstep when entering building. Says “Oooh, look at the choo choo.” Wets himself while playing with his water pistol. Can stand in the shallow end. Talks to plants.
SERGEANT MAJOR Lift’s multi-story buildings and walks under them. Kicks all types of engines off their tracks. Catches bullets in his teeth. Freezes water at a single glance. Talks to no one. HE IS GOD!
ANON
MY TIME IN THE ARMY
Endorsement has not been received or sought from the people mentioned in these anecdotes. I enjoyed my time in the army, which lasted from 1956 to 1981.
There were bad times and good times. I’m glad to say that the good outweighed the bad. The good times stay with you and thankfully, the bad fade into antiquity.
I have met many brave and outstanding people in my time, who performed their duty for Queen and Country in true military fashion. The surprising thing was, these outstanding men were the bane of the depot drill sergeant’s life. They had two left feet, couldn’t swing their arms and once dressed in uniform they resembled a sack of potatoes tied around the middle with string. One soon learnt that the old saying ‘Never judge a book by its cover’ couldn’t be better adapted.
ALEXANDER THE GREAT.
Alexander the Great was only 16 when in 340BC, he joined the Army and became ruler of Macedonia. He liquidated all his rivals, consolidated his political power in Greece, he then set out raping, plundering, and pillaging until he had conquered the whole of Asia Minor. He then put down a major riot in Egypt and returned home at the head of an Army of over two and a half million, just in time to celebrate his 20th birthday.
I was one year older than Alexander when I began my Army Career in the Royal Artillery in 1956. In 1962 I transferred to the Medical Corps. The Royal Army Medical Corps is the butt of most jokes in the forces. Especially from the Regiments who think that to be a medic is to be a sissy. In battle situations when a man is injured, his voice will carry high above the noise of shot and shell. The word he shouts is, “MEDIC!” It is then realised that the medic is not such a sissy after all. To all medics, I say: “Keep your head down, look after yourself, and keep making those house calls on the field of battle.” :lol:
“You two! Fall in three ranks”
Or
“Who! Me Sir, No Sir, Not I Sir!”
Anecdotes for posterity of
It should never happen to a soldier.
From the official ‘John Alfred Silkstone’ collection
On condition that:
1. It is understood that the 30 year limit on the Official Secrets Act, though now expired won’t prevent me having a fair trial in the Tower of London, and that I will be granted legal aid.
2. Ranby Psychiatric Hospital for the criminally insane will attribute the cause of my mental condition to time served in the Military Forces.
3. The Tabloids won’t be leaking advanced copies sold to them by a clerk at Depot Headquarters.
4. A well known author will write a best seller out of my experiences and we will share the profits of book and film rights.
5. That my mates are only jesting when they say, “You’ll hear from my solicitors first thing in the morning.”
In telling, many details are left out or taken for granted. The tales themselves are honed on the storytellers’ stone to suit the audience.
Items or events are deleted or added to enhance the tale in its best light. In reality, after many recitations by others and myself. The truth is often a million miles away from the actual facts.
LIST OF MILITARY RANKS
GENERAL Leaps over skyscrapers in a single bound. More powerful than an express train. Faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives counsel to God.
COLONEL Leaps lesser buildings in a single bound. More powerful than a shunting engine. As fast as a speeding bullet. Sometimes walk on water. Talks to God.
LIEUTENANT COLONEL Leaps lesser buildings given a good run up and a favourable wind. Has the same pushing power as a shunting engine. Can fire a gun, but not necessarily hit the target. Totters on water. Talks to God, occasionally.
MAJOR Barely clears the height of a bivvy tent. Is often run over by a shunting engine. Can handle a gun and hit the target, but only at the edges. Swims well. Sometimes pleases God.
QUARTERMASTER Provides the bricks for buildings. Places demands for various trains. Supplies both guns and bullets. Can do the dog paddle. Will supply God with crystal balls if necessary.
CAPTAIN Collapses on bivvy tent when attempting to jump it. Recognises trains. Is never issued with live ammunition. Can float in a life jacket. Talks to brick walls.
LIEUTENANT Runs into brick walls. Can use a train set. Owns his own cap gun. Sinks without swimming. Mutters to himself
2nd LIEUTENANT Falls over doorstep when entering building. Says “Oooh, look at the choo choo.” Wets himself while playing with his water pistol. Can stand in the shallow end. Talks to plants.
SERGEANT MAJOR Lift’s multi-story buildings and walks under them. Kicks all types of engines off their tracks. Catches bullets in his teeth. Freezes water at a single glance. Talks to no one. HE IS GOD!
ANON
MY TIME IN THE ARMY
Endorsement has not been received or sought from the people mentioned in these anecdotes. I enjoyed my time in the army, which lasted from 1956 to 1981.
There were bad times and good times. I’m glad to say that the good outweighed the bad. The good times stay with you and thankfully, the bad fade into antiquity.
I have met many brave and outstanding people in my time, who performed their duty for Queen and Country in true military fashion. The surprising thing was, these outstanding men were the bane of the depot drill sergeant’s life. They had two left feet, couldn’t swing their arms and once dressed in uniform they resembled a sack of potatoes tied around the middle with string. One soon learnt that the old saying ‘Never judge a book by its cover’ couldn’t be better adapted.
ALEXANDER THE GREAT.
Alexander the Great was only 16 when in 340BC, he joined the Army and became ruler of Macedonia. He liquidated all his rivals, consolidated his political power in Greece, he then set out raping, plundering, and pillaging until he had conquered the whole of Asia Minor. He then put down a major riot in Egypt and returned home at the head of an Army of over two and a half million, just in time to celebrate his 20th birthday.
I was one year older than Alexander when I began my Army Career in the Royal Artillery in 1956. In 1962 I transferred to the Medical Corps. The Royal Army Medical Corps is the butt of most jokes in the forces. Especially from the Regiments who think that to be a medic is to be a sissy. In battle situations when a man is injured, his voice will carry high above the noise of shot and shell. The word he shouts is, “MEDIC!” It is then realised that the medic is not such a sissy after all. To all medics, I say: “Keep your head down, look after yourself, and keep making those house calls on the field of battle.” :lol:
