Funny Flying Tips and Observations

82Rigger

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Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing!
(Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena AFB, Japan.)

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
(Paul F. Crickmore - test pilot)

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Old sailors' truism -
There are more planes in the ocean than ships in the sky.

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition, the Air Force would be just another expensive flying club.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If an air traffic controller screws up, the pilot dies.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh, Sh*t!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.
(Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum.
(Jon McBride, astronaut)

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
(Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride it down.
(Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
(Sign over squadron operations desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970.)

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

Basic Flying Rules Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.
 
"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

How true, how true. A helicopter is the only vehicle on earth that is unstable around all three axis.

Here's some more:

Altitude above and runway behind are no d**ned use whatsoever.

In a helicopter, the big fan overhead is to keep you cool, because when it stops, you really begin to sweat.

The main rotor retaining nut that keeps the rotor head on the mast is called the "Jesus nut", because if it fails, you will see Jesus.


Late in WWII a famous Army Air Corps general renowned for his hard boiled demeanor and his singular lack of flying ability insisted on flying his own plane, a P-51, wherever he went. His usual method of taking off was to reach take off airspeed, lift the tail and pull the gear up. One time he was taking off from San Antonio, TX and had not figured on the Texas heat, humidity and thin air. When he lifted the gear, the aircraft settled down and proceeded to knock big chunks out of the runway with the prop. The situation was obvious to all, and as everbody held their breath waiting for the aircraft to fall apart, the general continued his climb out. With great trepidation the tower controller called him on the radio and inquired, "Sir, don't you want to come back and check for damage?"
The general's response was, "H**l with 'em let 'em fix their own d**n runway."

Rotor box;
 

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