Xena
10-05-04, 22:37
Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive press button 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press button 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press buttons 3, 4, 5 and 6
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the alien mother ship
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no-one will answer.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number and your mothers maiden name.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.....
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All of our phone operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You will not be crazy forever.... Maybe.
laugh; que; laugh;
If you are obsessive-compulsive press button 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press button 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press buttons 3, 4, 5 and 6
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the alien mother ship
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no-one will answer.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number and your mothers maiden name.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.....
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All of our phone operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You will not be crazy forever.... Maybe.
laugh; que; laugh;