Waiting lists for treatment...

[ArcticWolf]

As of now, I've been waiting 12 months to get any kind of treatment/therapy instead of the so called 'happy pills'.
I've met one psychologist to see if it would benefit me to have some group therapy with other trauma survivors. She told me that since I have more than one kind of trauma, it would be better for me to have one to one therapy sessions... Guess what?! The waiting list for that is another 8 months or so...

I'm due back for work in two weeks. I'm soooooo looking forward to working. NOT. I have to smile, pretend I'm alright and not talk about my problems, because it would upset people. They're going to 'phase me back into work', but no one seems to know exactly how it is done, because no one else has had to do this before. I feel sooooo special. :mad:

I could go on ranting my way through what's left of tonight, but I'll spare you the details...
Thanks for listening.

[Reloader]

Just keep on hanging in there, AW.

"What does not destroy us, makes us stronger."

[ArcticWolf]

Thanks Reloader.

I guess the difference between survivors and victims is that survivors just keep going no matter what and victims just 'give up'. I'm losing my faith in the system with every week that goes by.

I may be eligible for help from BUPA, but I can't afford it unless the company pays for it...

Being more or less forced back to work is not helping either. I've been told that since I'm not working all the shifts any more, especially while being phased back, they need to 'adjust' my salary. In other words: 'come back to work, get back to working like everyone else, or we'll not pay you anything in the end'... thanks a lot. box; box;

I wish I could work from home instead. I'm creative and I'm alright in writing and writing and writing... as you all may have noticed. blah, :rolleyes: I should start my own company but with no knowledge or motivation or help I'd go under in a weeks time...

I'll just shut my gob now... thanks for listening.

[03Fox2/1]

disregard, 03Fox2/1

[ArcticWolf]

Thank you for your support Fox.
The weird thing is that I do understand most of what you're saying. I've never been in a combat situation or a war and I doubt I ever will. So I cannot say I understand what that is like.
I'll not go into any details, because this is not the right place and time, but growing up in my family was somewhat similar to a warzone in some ways. I cannot remember a time when I wasn't on alert, when I didn't wake up at the slightest sound, or I was ever able trust anyone around me. At the time, I didn't even understand that what I and my brother went through was as bad as I've come to understand the past few years. I've read books written by other survivors and sometimes I've caught myself thinking: "If they have 'that' classed as abuse, what the hell would they call what we went through?"

But I know it's not about what we went through, it's how we've dealt or not dealt with it after the fact.
As you say, Fox, is more about the support and understanding or the lack thereof, after the fact, that can make you feel worse about what did happen, and make you blame yourself.

It's a good thing that these matters are talked about and, in some countries, recognised as being important issues to deal with as soon as possible. However, the healthcare system just doesn't seem to be able to cope with this, or at least not in time.

Can you imagine receiving a letter asking if I'm still wanting to get the treatment I asked for x amount of months ago... and stating in the letter that if they hear nothing within 7 days (!!) they'd assume you didn't need the treatment after all. What a cheek. It almost felt like they were hoping not to hear anything from you. Like the problem would have 'disappeared', or that you'd tired of waiting and gone privately so they wouldn't need to be bothered.

Anyway, that's my rant over for today... thanks for listening...

[Hollis]

Arctic Fox, One of the good aspect of PTSD finally being dealt with. It is understanding who can be effective. It is also said it can be transmitted to spouse and children living with a person with PTSD. Also It is not limited to just the combat condition. The important aspect is deal with the "trauma" early, before it becomes patterned in the brain.

I like to keep in mind, that psychology is a rather very new area of study. Going back to the early 50's, it was almost in the ranks of Voodoo medicine.

Wish you the best.

H.

[ArcticWolf]

You're right, Hollis, psychology is a rather new area of study and it has a long way to go. Lately, it's even been suggested that babies still in their mother's womb can 'tune in' to their mother's thoughts and memories, literally 'seeing' what their mother has experienced in life, and be affected by it. If that proves to be true, it would explain a lot of things for many people.

[Hollis]

Wolf, regardless if you loose faith in the system, keep faith in yourself, YOU CAN DO IT.

A decent book, I am not sure how it will fit in with your situation is, "Recovering from the War" by Patience Mason. If you have brothers, that you served with, take time to get together and help each other.

One of the best example that seems to work for me is;

A combat Veteran is like they are from a alternative universe (SG-1 theme). Home looks like home, but something is just not right. In a way your like a stranger in your own home. The changes you went through when you were deployed made you a much different person then before you were deployed. The people back home did not go through those changes and really don't have much of a clue about it.

One person stated a Combat soldier when he gets home, is like a 60 year old man (experiences) in the body of a 21 year old man. Probably the biggest thing to realize PTSD is a very normal reaction to a very abnormal situation. It really highlights the fact your a decent human being. It is that you are decades ahead of your piers in experiences. Old farts see you as a young person, young person well, they have a lot of living to do before they can start to understand what you went through and the changes in you.

Bury your dead, morn them. If you can have brothers with you, the better, but the dead needs to be laid to rest. The haunting questions and dreams, will answer themselves over time. Just as you have the strength to survive, you can and will be able to survive this.

In some way your also special, there are blessings, you have seen the heights and low of humanity, remember the heights. You found deep strength to deal with your fears, you know you have fears but can deal with them. You also had real brothers in combat, others who were there for you as you were there for them.

The curses only become curse if you allow them to dominate your life. This unanswered question, not burying your dead, not celebrating the gift of live that was given to you, so you don't squander it.

You stand with Brothers who have marched through time immortal, from the beginning of time to far into the future. Those who served. Your burdens have been carried by those Brothers too. You will not be any different, times you may feel tire from the load, but you will pick them up and move as you always had before, not just for yourself but for your Brothers too.

Your not alone. As you can reach out to your brothers, so can they reach out to you.

I wish you the best, similar to carrying a heavy ruck, the load is not always easy. Sometimes remember to take care of yourself, take a break now and then.


Semper Fi

Hollis