HighlandSniper58
05-05-04, 12:06
This came from over Seas down to me through Work;
HOW DO THESE PEOPLE SURVIVE?
ONE - Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets I asked for a half
dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So, I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO - The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a
couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just
a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to
mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash
register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider"
looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding
the bar code, she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her, "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that
today."
She said, "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue
to what had just happened.
THREE - A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy
drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she
was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR - I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing
to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys
to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't
you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE - Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One
day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out
of typing paper. "What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the
intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX - I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was
towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of
repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had
set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN - My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers.
One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had
this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do
you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT - Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a
photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier,
and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect
wasn't
telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
~~~~~~~~~~
A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy class gets up
and moves to the first class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy Class and that she will
have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies,"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and
I'm staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the
co-pilot that there is a bonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs
in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to
the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy,
she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies,"I'm
blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to
reason. The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm
married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, Ane she says, "Oh,
I'm sorry." and she gets up and goes back to her seat in Economy. The
flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to
make her move without any fuss.
"I told her that First Class isn't going to Houston."
HOW DO THESE PEOPLE SURVIVE?
ONE - Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets I asked for a half
dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So, I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO - The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a
couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just
a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to
mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash
register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider"
looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding
the bar code, she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her, "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that
today."
She said, "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue
to what had just happened.
THREE - A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy
drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she
was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR - I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing
to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys
to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't
you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE - Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One
day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out
of typing paper. "What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the
intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX - I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was
towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of
repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had
set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN - My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers.
One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had
this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do
you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT - Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a
photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier,
and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect
wasn't
telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
~~~~~~~~~~
A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy class gets up
and moves to the first class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy Class and that she will
have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies,"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and
I'm staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the
co-pilot that there is a bonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs
in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to
the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy,
she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies,"I'm
blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to
reason. The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm
married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, Ane she says, "Oh,
I'm sorry." and she gets up and goes back to her seat in Economy. The
flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to
make her move without any fuss.
"I told her that First Class isn't going to Houston."