A joke for Drywall

[Derrick Stephenson]

A bartender preparing for his dinner time rush is suddenly confronted by a duck on the bar.
'Have you got any dry bread?' says the duck. 'Sorry' says the barkeep,
'all our food is inventoried by Himself'.
1/2 an hour later, the same question and the same answer. This goes on until the bartender finally loses his temper. 'Look, duck, I've told you no bread, and if you ask me again, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar.'
The duck disappears.
One hour later, a horse comes limping on three legs into the bar and carrying a horseshoe in it's mouth. It puts the horseshoe on the bar and says to the barman, ' Have you got any nails, please?'
The barman says, 'Does this look like a hardware store? Of course I haven't got any nails'
At which, the duck jumps on the horse's head and say's ' Well have you got any dry bread then?'
Derrick.

[Bombardier]

laugh; laugh; laugh; laugh; laugh; laugh;

[drywall]

ha ha ha ha ha ha
I like it, I like it. :D

[Derrick Stephenson]

Webmaster, you and me will definitely finish up as a double act, I'll have to run or I'll **ss myself laughing.
Derrick.

[drywall]

A couple of beers

A professor stood before his Philosophy 101 class
and had some items in
front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a
very large
and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf
balls. He
then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that
it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into
the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course,
rolled into the
open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students
again if
the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the
jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once
more if
the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous - -
yes.

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the
table and
proceeded to pour them into the jar effectively filling the
empty space
between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want
you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls
are the
important things - - your family, your partner, your health,
your
children, your friends, your favorite passions - - things that
if everything else
was lost and only they remained, your life would still be
full."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job,
your house,
your car. The sand is everything else - - the small stuff."
"If you put
the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room
for the
pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life. If you
spend all
your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have
room for
the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the
things that are
critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time
to get
medical check ups. Take your partner out dancing. Play another
18. There
will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a
dinner party
and fix the disposal."

"Take care of the golf balls first - - the things that really
matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer

represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It
just goes to
show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's
always room
for a couple of beers!!

[Xena]

Very profound D and yet so true :lol: que; xx

[Derrick Stephenson]

Very true, very true.
Derrick.

[Bombardier]

great story drywall, and as xena says "very profound".

Now then Mr stephenson

Webmaster, you and me will definitely finish up as a double act

This will only happen if I can play the big guy (tall that is for those of you who like to twist my words) LOL laugh; roc;

[Viking]

Don't youhave to be big to play the big guy :lol: viki;

[Derrick Stephenson]

No!!!, you just have to have the **ss taken out of you by the funny guy.
Derrick.

[Viking]

Ha ha Himself will love that viki;

[Bombardier]

Don't youhave to be big to play the big guy

see, see, see what I mean with the double entendres. LOL :mrgreen:

[Eagledriver]

Well, since you're a barman, Here's a little one.

" one day, this chap goes into Paddy's bar and orders a scotch. While he's sitting there sipping, he notices a sign on the wall behind the bar,'If you can make my donkey laugh, I'll give you 1,000 dollars. He turns to Paddy and says, What's that all about? Paddy says, Simple. Make my donkey laugh and I'll give you 1,000 dollars. He's right out back in the alley. The man goes out back and 5 minutes later, he enters the bar and the donkey can be heard laughing out loud. Paddy says, 'well, It looks like you win! But you're the first to do it. Tell me how did you get him to laugh. The man looks at Paddy and says, 'I told him mine was bigger than his.'
'One month later, the same guy comes back to Paddy's bar and orders a scotch. As he's sitting there, he sees the same sign except it now says,'I'll give 2,000 dollars to anyone who can make my donkey cry.' The man turns to Paddy and says, What's with this donkey? Paddy says, 'Since you were here, that darn donkey hasn't stopped laughing. If you want to try making him cry, he's out in the alley. The man goes out to the alley and 2 minutes later reenters the bar. The donkey can be heard in the background loudly crying and moaning.' Paddy looks at the guy and says,'What in the world did you do to the poor beast? I've never heard him carry on like this.' After getting his money from Paddy, the guy say's to Paddy,'Well, remember the last time I told him mine was bigger; this time I showed him." o-